NFL 1st Round Mock Draft 2013

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From Radio City Music Hall in New York, NY.

I present to you, the Officially Official 2013 1^st Round Mock Draft of one time Champion

Will Soistman.

Please to enjoy.

1. Kansas City Chiefs – Luke Joeckel Tackle from A&M.
   Andy Reid knows a good fat guy when he sees one prompting Andy to say “Luke, I am your father.”
2. Jacksonville Jaguars – Dion Jordan LB from Oregon.
   Arguably the most athletic person in the draft, Dion will help the woeful Jags defense at least a little in the pass rush where they were God awful.
3. Oakland Raiders – Shariff Floyd DT from Florida.
   There's a new Sheriff Bust in town. Floyd will be a staple of the Raider defense for weeks until he gets arrested for impersonating a cop in a night club. Will be off the team in 2 years.
4. Philadelphia Eagles – Eric Fisher Tackler from Central Michigan.
   The Eagles need help for (Insert Qbs name) blindside or... frontside? Fish should be the grab here if he slips this far.
5. Detroit Lions – Ezekiel Ansah DE from BYU.
   Lions lose Cliff Avril and older pass rushers so they need to be replaced. Big Zeke can hopefully fill those shoes with his missionary ways.
6. Cleveland Browns – Dee Milliner CB from Bama.
   I want to put someone else here. But everyone and their mamas and papas are putting Milliner here. Let's hope Cleveland wants the Dee as much as some girls do.
7. Arizona Cardinals – Lane Johnson Tackle from Oklahoma.
   The Cards are have a bad line. Like, real bad. Lane is the third tackle taken in the top 10, but that doesn't mean he's a lane duck.
8. Buffalo Bills – Ryan Nassib QB from Syracuse.
   Too obvious to not happen right? Old Syracuse coach new Buffalo team. Old Syracuse Qb... new Buffalo team.
9. New York Jets – Barkevious Mingo DE from LSU.
   Rex doesn't need to add more Bark to his team. They need bite. Hopefully this Mingo kid can add some of that.
10. Tennessee Titans – Jonathan Cooper Guard from UNC.
    The Titans decide to Hang with Mr. Cooper during the draft. Maybe CJ2K will stop blaming the line now.
11. San Diego Chargers – Chance Warmack Guard from Alabama.
    The Chargers needs to start taking less risks and more Chances. The best teams have great offensive lines. The Chargers have the worst.
12. Miami Dolphins – DJ Hayden CB Houston.
    The Fish have spent a lot of money on offense now it's time to invest some on the defense. They need to replace Jake Long, but no one worth reaching for here. Hayden some say is the best corner in the draft.
13. New York Jets – Tavon Austin WR West Virginia.
    The Jets celebrated Earth day by recycling their garbage Qbs on the roster this past weekend. To try and fix this they draft Austin, who scored a 7 on his wonderlic and will score 6 on defenses.
14. Carolina Panthers – Star Lotulelei DT Utah.
    The Panthers can't stop anyone on defense and hopefully Starlite will be more of a Star for Ron Rivera.
15. New Orleans Saints – Jarvis Jones UGA LB
    After a horrible combine and not so great pro day, there is still one person who was impressed. Big ol Rob Ryan thinks Jarvis was plenty fast enough.
16. St Louis Rams – Cordarrelle Patterson TENN WR
    Might be the first big reach of the draft but the Rams have no one for Bradford to throw the ball to. Let's just hope Patterson can talk and play better than former Volunteer Robert Meachem.
17. Pittsburgh Steelers – Alec Ogletree UGA LB.
    The man with questions goes to the team that doesn’t tolerate that kinda bullstuffff. If only Kevin were this good.
18. Dallas Cowboys – DJ Fluker Tackler ALA.
    Fills a need, let’s hope he aint a Fluke like Doug Free. Risky move for Jerry’s world.
19. New York Giants – Tyler Eifert TE ND.
    The Giants haven’t had a big play TE since Shockey was doin the damn thing. Even Eli can force a smile with this pick.
20. San Francisco 49ers Trade up to Bears – Desmond Trufant CB WASH.
    The 49ers use the extra pick they received in Alex Smith trade to get a corner. They don’t need all these picks in the draft, they have very few roster spots available.
21. Cincinnati Bengals – Justin Hunter WR TENN.
    The second Volunteer WR to go in the draft certainly would do so to play alongside AJ Green. The Red Rocket has some much needed fuel.
22. St Louis Rams – Kenny Vaccaro S TEX
    The best safety in the class goes to THE Jason Sehorn university of learning.
23. Minnesota Vikings – Sylvester Williams DT MIN.
    Because why not, the Williams wall has been gone for a couple years but these hungry guys just don’t go away.
24. Indianapolis Colts – Manti Te’o LB ND.
    Oh manti manti manti. So hard to predict where you will stink in the NFL. At least the Colts use some version of the Cover who defense for you to pretend to cover people.
25. Minnesota Vikings – Keenan Allen WR CAL.
    Kel loves orange soda, Kennan loves purple drank. He will try to step into Percy’s shoes and fill them… but no one can touch Percy. No one.
26. Greeen Bay Packers – Justin Pugh Tackle SYR.
    No idea who that guy is. But hes a tackle. And he… Pughs… a hole?
27. Houston Texans – Robert Woods WR USC.
    2 years ago. Sure fire 1^st wr taken. Somehow got lost in the wickets because of the poor year and injury. Texans should be hoppppin up and down.
28. Denver Broncos – Xavier Rhodes CB FSU.
    Champ Bailey will lose to father time… Eventually.
29. New England Patriots – Margus Hunt DE SMU.
    I just want this to be overrrrrr.
30. Atlanta Falcons – Kyle Long Guard Ore.
    So closeeeee.
31. Chicago Bears from 49ers – Menelik Watson Tackle FSU.
    Almost….
32. Baltimore Ravens – Jonathan Jenkins DT UGA.
    3-4 NT. Hooray.